Speak Eagle

Worth an Eye Roll

“I have something to tell you, and I already know you are going to roll your eyes,” my husband says.

After the very long nightly process of Peter Rabbit stories and prayers for Africa and last-minute gulps of water with our four boys, my husband Brian and I had finally sunk into the couch to debrief our day.


“I got pulled over tonight for going 55 in a 40.”

I didn’t roll my eyes.  In fact, my eyes widened.  “You did?”

Now, I realize this kind of revelation is a prime opportunity to rib a man for his lead foot, shame him for not being a good example to the son who had witnessed the infraction, or instruct him on the dangers of driving unwisely.  But unfortunately, I don’t have a leg to stand on.  No leg in sight.  If I were a flamingo, I would fall over.

Because…brace yourself…I have been pulled over 3 times in the last year and a half alone- and all for speeding.

The first time, I was in a hurry to get pre-K kids to school on time and drove 38 in a 25 past a ballpark.  An officer immediately pulled out from behind a building, turned on his lights and began following me.  But since the school was only a few blocks away, the kids were on the verge of being late, and I knew I was already toast, I decided to let him follow me to the drop-off lane.  Probably not the best idea to garner his compassion or to preserve my reputation from the line of teachers waiting outside.  But hey!  my kids made it on time- and I was able to give lots of other little eyes a feast of flashing lights.

For my second offense, the officer added reckless driving to the charge because he said I had pulled out in front of someone and then sped up.  As he went back to his vehicle to write up my ticket, I tried to calmly explain to my watching boys that “tickets are kind of like adult spankings.”  Of course, when the officer appeared again at my window, my 3-year old asked him, “Are you giving my mommy a spanking?”  He was speechless.  I just smiled.  And then he gave me my $150 ticket.

By the time I got pulled over for my third ticket, there was nothing calm in my demeanor.  I was MAD.  As I pulled away from the side of the road after receiving yet another spanking, I growled and griped.  My 9-year old son piped up to help me see the bright side, “But Mommy, at least he didn’t shoot you!”  Yes, you’re right.  I should be so thankful.

So tonight when my husband informed me of his little indiscretion, now you understand why I could only empathize.  To do anything else would be the pot calling the kettle black.

Then he smiled, “But he let me go.”

And yes, he was right.  I rolled my eyes.

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